Adoption , Foster Care , Kids. You like this woman. You want to be close and be a support. But where to start? How can you be a good friend to a foster mom?
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From the time you were born, until the age you are now, there has always been one person totally invested in your happiness: your mother.
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So as an introvert, I had to push myself out of my comfort zone and purposefully find new mom friends. Small talk is my nemesis. I hate it. Most of us introverts do. It seems so shallow and not worth my time. But I had to do it…almost like taking medicine. I found my friends.
I found my people who got me. But for a lot of people who self-identify as an introvert or as shy, making Mom Friends is hard. In fact, Mom Friends can be the hardest friends to make. For us introverts of the world, it can be extra challenging to reach out to people. To chit chat at the park or at school pick up. We have to step so far out of our comfort zone, it can be scary and extremely uncomfortable. But there are a few simple tricks to finding mom friends we can learn from the extroverts of the world.
Here are my go-to tricks to making friends. This is the first place to start because the close proximity makes life so much easier. Put some comfortable patio furniture in your front yard and take a book out there.
Encourage your kids to play outside and then stay with them. Stand outside in the morning with your coffee. Stand outside in the evening with your drink of choice. Go for walks around your neighborhood to meet people. Introduce yourself. Get to know the kids in the neighborhood. Let your kids host a lemonade stand and meet neighbors as they make their purchases.
What are you guys up to today? How was the baseball game yesterday? Are you feeling better? I saw your daughter riding her bike. Once you get to know them, invite them over for dinner. Or a coffee. Or a cocktail. With the younger crowd, try Mommy and Me classes and playgroups. Our first class was when my daughter was 6 months old. There was one other kiddo in that class and the mom and I are still friends. Try music classes or park and rec classes. Look to your church or temple or mosque for playgroups.
When your kiddo is ready for pre-school, or a pre-pre-school, sign up. Linger at drop off and pick up so you can meet the other parents. Get to know the kids so you have something to talk about with the parents, other than small talk about the weather.
If you have school-aged kids, join the PTA and volunteer in social settings. The Book Fair Committee. The Bake Sale Committee. Room Moms by default have to get to know all the other moms in the class. It might be worth the extra work to meet some awesome friends. After signing up, I began to see the other moms in the group every day. As an introvert, big parties with a lot of strangers stretch me. They drain me of all my energy. Yes to block parties and dinner parties and skin care, oil, jewelry, and makeup parties.
You will always meet someone new and interesting. You will forge deeper relationships with people you kind of know. Even if you buy nothing, you will probably meet someone you can become friends with. My new neighbor invited me to a skin care party her friend was hosting. I stayed until midnight meeting the women who became my Boston Mom Tribe.
I walked away with lotion and the start of amazing friendships. I now know our preschool mom crowd prefers rom-com movies at a theater that serves pitcher margaritas.
And since your kids will run in the same social circles, so will you and their mom. Someone had to teach him his manners and kindness. Someone had to teach him to be awesome. It was probably his awesome mom. While your kids are playing or learning or creating, strike up conversations with the other moms.
Be on the lookout for moms you click with. Moms who easily make you laugh. Moms who are as sarcastic as you or as exhausted as you are. Extend it. Ask if they want to let the kids play in the park after the class or if they want to meet for coffee next week before class.
The benefits of carpooling are numerous. In fact, my best friend started out as a convenient carpool buddy. Meeting her and figuring out a carpool system that worked for both of us was crucial to our budding friendship.
We saw each other twice a day, every day. We started to get to know each other better. And as we got closer, she introduced me to three other new friends and boom, we were a Mom Tribe. And those ladies changed everything for me. Most towns have very active mom groups. I joined one when we got to our new town. I have a toddler this age and we live near this part of town.
Does anyone want to meet at the park for coffee? Even better that a bunch of moms jumped at the chance to meet someone. They wanted to find a new mom friend too. Kind and friendly, yes. Friends, no. Not every friendly mom you meet is right for you. And not all Mom Friends will morph into a Mom Tribe. Here are some of my personal deal breakers:. It can be super tricky if you enjoy cocktails and they refuse to touch the stuff.
You help clean it up and remind your kid to apologize. You scoop them up, head home, and take a rain check. You need to find a friend who can plop on your couch in their pajamas and chat with their feet on your coffee table. The chaos that ensues when my three kids are playing is excruciatingly overwhelming to my friends who only have one kid.
Friends who have one more or one less kid than you is a perfect balance. The same number of kids is even better. I am drawn to Mom Friends who have 3 kids like me. It requires zero apologies. And zero explanations. Bullying vs. Friendship issues vs. One friend will inevitably take on more of a mentor role than a true friend. All of our kids were within a few months of each other. We had older kids that were in the same grade.
We had middle kids that were in similar grades and our youngest ones were all supposed to head off to Kindergarten the same year.
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3 Ways to Get Your Mom to Let You Hang Out with a Friend She Doesn't Approve of
Adoption , Foster Care , Kids. You like this woman. You want to be close and be a support. But where to start? How can you be a good friend to a foster mom? Recognize that Foster Moms are mostly just moms. The fostering part is a unique aspect of her motherhood, but dirty diapers and making dinner and school drop-off lines are all the same no matter how you got into this gig.
Building a relationship with a foster mom can begin with focusing on what you have in common as women, as parents. Affirming that she is a mother and that you are doing the same motherhood work is important. Let her know that you see her unique family as just that— a family. Is this that toddler we heard about on the news? Are the parents in jail? Does she call you Mommy? Does he have behavioral problems? Let her vent. We need friends who will let us complain a bit about foster care.
Okay, we need friends who will let us complain A LOT about foster care. Foster care can be absolutely ridiculous. If you want to be the kind of friend we trust with our venting, we need to know you can hear us out, ask us questions, and be an encouragement.
We need to get it out of our system so we can dive back in. Let us vent without feeling like you have to help us solve anything. The problems may not be solvable, but your support may make them more bearable. Let your friends be frustrated, be heartbroken, be upset.
If they say they want to quit, ask them questions and be a support. Recognize that those feelings may be intense, but fleeting. Give lots of grace in those frustrating moments. Be mindful that traditional parenting techniques may not work. She may feel like a failure for not being able to help this child the way she wishes she could.
Kids who have been abandoned may not be able to do time-out. Children who have been starving may not be able to skip a snack as a consequence.
Ask about respite needs. There are lots of ways you can offer practical support to a foster family, but one of the most pressing needs is for respite help. Respite is when you provide care for a foster child so the foster parents can get some time away. If the foster parents want to do a anniversary trip, they need specialized help.
If you want to help your friend, consider going through the process to become a respite family. Love her kids. Can you invite her over for a playdate even if you know tantrums will be involved? Can you drop by some ice-cream for the family? Foster care is hard work, but it is made easier with the loving support of good friends.
For those of you who function as a support structure for the families doing the work of foster care, we thank you. Maralee is a mom of six pretty incredible kids ages 8 and under. Four were adopted one internationally from Liberia, three through foster care in Nebraska and two were biological surprises. Maralee can be heard on My Bridge Radio talking about motherhood on "A Mother's Heart for God" and what won't fit in a 90 second radio segment ends up at www. Want more stories of love, family, and faith from the heart of every home, delivered straight to you?
Stories from the heart of every home. Follow Us. By Maralee Bradley. Share this: Email. Maralee Bradley Maralee is a mom of six pretty incredible kids ages 8 and under. Previous Post. Subscribe To Our Mailing List Want more stories of love, family, and faith from the heart of every home, delivered straight to you?