Real ass horoscope-Funny Horoscopes - Funny Sun Signs Descriptions - Astrology Humour

For example, Leos are said to like having their backs rubbed, and Pisces are into feet. Aries was ruled by the head, for instance, and Pisces by the feet. They believed that recognizing this was helpful in treating illnesses. Read on to see if yours matches your turn-ons. Fittingly symbolized by the ram, astrologers say Aries tend to get off on a gentle head massage, some light hair tugging or gentle caresses behind the ears.

Everyone has their flaws. Go ahead Potter. Also like you, I outgrew my respect and need for such weirdness. Caelynn and Dean's Costumes Are So funny! Chew your jello shot and count your blessings. Not all Pisces are like that.

Canine lump anus. Watch Next

Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. On the rest of this page I'll show some of the discrepancies in various Horoscope Date tables, and provide evidence to support my hypothesis Center guitar vintage the only way to really Real ass horoscope what star sign you are is to calculate it. Most of those fake virus warnings or cash offers from Bill Gates are your attempt to stir something up. Big Dick Pissing. I have been reading your version of my horoscopes for a few months now and not only today but yoroscope some time I swear your writing them solely for me. Most of the people arrested for counterfeiting are Capricorns. October 27, I horoscoe him very badly every moment. Letlhogonolo June 29th, Does he even horodcope Real ass horoscope same or is it one way?

Well, almost but not quite.

  • I would like to know what my future holds as far as growing my family I have two children and divorced.
  • Offering exclusive content not available on Pornhub.
  • Aries have ramlike eyebrows and smug expressions.

For example, Leos are said to like having their backs rubbed, and Pisces are into feet. Aries was ruled by the head, for instance, and Pisces by the feet. They believed that recognizing this was helpful in treating illnesses.

Read on to see if yours matches your turn-ons. Fittingly symbolized by the ram, astrologers say Aries tend to get off on a gentle head massage, some light hair tugging or gentle caresses behind the ears. Symbolized by the bull, this earth sign is said to love a gentle neck caress. Every day is arm day for Gemini. This incredibly creative air sign is associated with the twins Castor and Pollux in Greek mythology, which might be why they could have a thing for pairs, including arms.

Eyes up here, Cancer! Next time you go in for a hug with your loved-up Leo , linger a while, running your fingers up and down their spine or in little circles. Virgos are the type of people who may genuinely like lower stomach tattoos.

Good news for the Biebs. Why the stomach? In high school, Libra was voted most likely to overuse the peach emoji. This air sign may be down for a little butt play or spanking, but always be sure to ask first.

After all, this sensual water sign loves to get wet. Saddle up and play close attention to the hips with Sagittarius , a fire sign commonly represented as a centaur pulling back a bow.

Massages to the thighs, hips and upper legs could be the quickest way to turn this sign on. Practical as always, Caps are all about those Aquarius is the humanitarian of the zodiac, always willing to stand up for what they believe in. Consider sex positions that put you front and center with those areas. Someone is likely to have a foot fetish, and that someone is Pisces. The last sign of the zodiac, Pisceans are believed to absorb all the lessons of the eleven signs that come before them, Kelly said.

Head here for more astrology content and here to read your daily horoscope. News U. HuffPost Personal Video Horoscopes. Newsletters Coupons. Follow Us. Part of HuffPost Relationships.

All rights reserved. Shestock via Getty Images. Suggest a correction. Newsletter Sign Up.

While Leos tend to achieve the most fame in the field of entertainment, Pisceans strive to achieve historical greatness by sheer fluke. Abony Sign Up. Forgot your password? Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Please enter your comment!

Real ass horoscope. Choose Your Zodiac Sign

.

Astrology For Assholes – Some Offense Intended

Well, almost but not quite. I used to think that it was important to be real all the time. Emily was blonde, perky, and completely self-centered. I thought that Emily was fake and was always being rewarded for being pretty, not for having any talent.

To get a credit that I needed to graduate, I had to run lights for a show in which Emily was the star. It was during that production that I realized that it didn't matter how rude or real I was to Emily, it just didn't sink in.

You're a very real person. Some might say too much so because when you get blunt, you don't hold back and you say whatever's on your mind, no matter how painful or brutal it may be. You try to be diplomatic at your job and you never intend to hurt people with your words, but sometimes you just have to let it all out, even if it hurts someone's feelings.

You're a very down-to-earth, real person. You can be glamorous and charming but that's because it's a very real part of your personality. Some might say you're too stubborn to be fake because once you've latched onto something, it's not easy to get you to let go of it. One moment you're holding on tightly to a secret, but the next it's your juiciest piece of gossip. There are so many sides to your personality, it's hard to know which is the real you.

You're very real and when it comes to your emotions, you don't hold anything back. You wish that you could just suck it up and carry on as if nothing has happened but that's just not who you are. You let everyone know how you're feeling and what you're going through. Because of your sparkling and dazzling personality, you may come off as a little fake, but the truth is, that effervescent personality is all you. You know it's your imperfections that make you human and lovable. You are what you are and you don't have time to develop the fake version of yourself.

You can sometimes say or do the wrong thing but you don't have the talent to put a spin on it. If someone asks your honest opinion, that's exactly what they'll get from you. You don't hold back even if someone else might just try to placate the person by saying, "It's great. You'll tell them why it's lacking and what they should do about it. If someone doesn't have a tough skin, they need to avoid asking you what you honestly think. You can be extremely fake. Maybe it comes from your inability to make decisions or perhaps it's because you desperately want to be liked by everyone.

You mean well; you're not fake to try and trick someone, it's just that for you, it's easier to be fake than to be real.

You couldn't fake it until you make it if you tried. You're very real and honest; in fact, you can't stand liars of any kind, even if there was a good reason backing up that lie. If you're angry with someone, you have no problem with confrontation and letting that person know what's what.

In turn, you prefer real people over fakes and would rather know someone's bad points upfront rather than discovering them at an inopportune time. Obviously, you thoroughly investigate someone before getting involved with them.

You're equal parts fake and real. If you're traveling and you might be fake if you thought being too honest would get you in trouble with the locals. You're also one of the least empathetic signs, so it's extremely difficult for you to put yourself in someone else's shoes and understand why they're feeling the way that they do. If you want to let them know how pissed off you are and they're going through a terrible time, you don't care; expressing your emotions is the most important thing for you.

You're fairly real; unless it helps you with your work, then you can be fake. You look at it as part of the job and you take your work very seriously. You can be quite calculating if it will further your agenda, and that's not very honest. When you're not being real, you know enough to feel slightly bad about it. You tend to be somewhat detached. So in other words, you're too indifferent to be fake.

The good thing is that you're very accepting of other people and that when you say you like someone or are complimentary, you mean it. You don't want to waste any energy on keeping your lies straight or trying to figure out what it is that someone wants to hear.

People either like you or they don't but you're not going to do anything that's not in your heart to guarantee their love. You can be fake if it's the easier thing to be. You don't want to be involved in an argument or any kind of unpleasantness if you can help it. If it makes someone happy, you don't care how fake you have to be to achieve that end. Sign in. Photo: weheartit. Christine Schoenwald. Zodiac , Self July 27, How fake or real are you? Click to view 20 images. Read Later.